Accepting behaviors in our children that are not appropriate for us are used to be difficult and sometimes even impossible to deal with. As a mother, I have always said that there is not any formula that helps us to eradicate tantrums or outbursts in our children; but according to my experience and in what I have been able to learn with my son during five years, they gave me another perspective for breeding.
I remember so much one day when my son had his first tantrum when he was only 15 months old. He got so upset just because I didn’t let him do something he wanted immediately. He threw himself on the floor screaming and I just didn’t know what to do; but, I just thought and I said how should I react? The first thing I did was to stop and put myself in his place for a moment, wondering how I would function better in a crisis, with yelling or with pressure? Or with words of calm that help me feel better?
I think that from that moment I saw the need to help my son, I understood the importance of teaching him to recognize his emotions so that he could self-regulate them in times of crisis. Only in this way, I avoided that tantrums occur with frequency. I think that from that moment on, I started a number of very simple trials, where doing them repeatedly led me to achieve it; but of course, always keeping calm inside me.
It is true that children’s behavior can cause stress and disturn us; but, if we react in a wrong way things will get worse and will produce more rebelliousness in them.
What to do then?
- The first thing is to bring the child to a state of calm and tranquility in order to channel his emotion.
- When he is angry I try to distract him from what is causing him stress at the moment, perhaps with sounds or songs, words that relax him and make him think about something else.
- I also like to give him a pillow or something to hug, to squeeze and which helps him to take out his anger.
- Then, I like to ask him the reason he has got upset all this in a calm way always listening to him and showing him that there is comprehension on my side.
- I explain him which is the emotion he is feeling by saying “I know you are angry and it is normal. I understand that you are upset; but, it is not right to shout in such way. Your parents will always be here to listen to you. But, you should also listen to us to understand why we cannot always stop doing whatever and whenever you want . We love you and we will always want the best for you”
- I also like to take him in front of the mirror to make eye contact in a fun way to talk about his behavior, explaining him the proper way to act in moments of annoyance.
I admit that that at the beginning, it was not easy at all, but it has worked a lot for me. I hope that these simple tips will also work for you. Keep in mind that it is better not to get stressed nor angry to achieve better results in front of the correction and thus avoid creating a tense environment at home, generating much more trust with the little ones.